Patience- waiting our turn

You want your child to have patience but teaching them can be difficult. See if this sounds familiar. Your kiddo asks for something. While the answer isn't no, it's please wait a minute, they might have a similar reaction. Unfortunately, waiting isn’t their strong suit. Next comes the tears, whining, and maybe even a tantrum… It just escalates with every second of delayed gratification. That’s normal behavior in a toddler, but when you have an older kiddo (or teenager) who wants everything now, it can feel discouraging. So how do you teach patience to the kiddo who wants something NOW?

There are lots of parents asking the same question. Many children struggle with patience. Many adults do too! You are definitely on the right path for wanting to teach your child patience. It is certainly a very important virtue to develop. While you are teaching your child patience, perhaps your ability to be patient will grow at the same time!

Our instant gratification culture

Instant gratification has become a hallmark of our culture. A lot of it is just the natural result of technology. Waiting isn’t built into our modern technological advances. If you just consider screens for entertainment –kids no longer need to wait for their favorite daily show on at a specific time. Their parents can pull it up on their phones anywhere and anytime.

And answers to questions about science and the world? No need for a trip to the library. A few clicks and a visit to Google are all you need. This isn’t all bad, but it isnt in any way teaching patience but instead making it a bit harder.

Many parents believe they have failed to teach their kids self-control and self-discipline. What is the point of teaching your kids to be patient when they very literally have answers and enjoyment at the tip of their fingers? How do you teach your kids that there is joy and strength in learning to wait?

Start with you! The difficult job of looking at yourself in a critical manner when teaching self-control and delayed gratification. It can be difficult for us to model patience well, especially in parenting!

Before teaching your kids the fine art of patience, consider the following questions:

What example am I setting? What are my thoughts and emotions when my kiddos are being impatient? Do I personally value patience as a virtue? As you become more self-aware of this behavior or thought process, you’ll be more patient with your kiddo's impatience and have more examples to share.

7 activities to teach patience to kids

1. Share your story

At whatever level your child can understand, share your own successes and failures in learning to have patience and work toward something important. One example of this is making a large purchase and later regretting said purchase. Children are encouraged when parents are open about their mistakes. You could also discuss a time when God blessed you and grew your character while you waited.

2. Build the value of “patient waiting”

It’s pointless to try to force your kiddo to do something when they have the opposite value – I want it now!! Ask your kids, What’s so good about being patient? What happens when people are impatient a lot?

As a family, write down, talk about, or even draw pictures of all the benefits of learning patience. Some ideas to start your list (from Greater Good magazine):

• Patient people are of better mental health.

• Patient people are good friends and neighbors.

• Patience helps us pursue our goals.

• Patience is good for your physical health.

3. Model patience out loud

When you practice patience, share the situation with your kiddo.

• Short-term example: “Sometimes I start to get annoyed when we have to stand in a long line like this, so I choose to spend the time being mindful of interesting things around me.”

• Long-term example: “I’m really excited to take our family on a trip to Disney, and I’m grateful we are able to save money each month for this trip.” You could even put a “Trip Money” chart on the refrigerator to record savings and let your kiddos fill it in.

4. Create lots of small opportunities

When the phone rings, or when preparing dinner, or in that long line, set your kiddo up for success. Ask your kiddo if this would be a good chance to practice waiting. Ask them how they think they will do while having to weight. Kids will often know their chances of success, which greatly increases the possibility they’ll actually succeed.

Set a timer for simple patience opportunities. Let them know your setting the timer, how long it will be set for and what their reward for waiting will be afterward. If you see your child starting to fidget and become impatient let them know how great their doing to help them feel seen and cared for while they practice patience.

5. Play Waiting games

• Hide and Seek - waiting to be found

• Captain May I? - asking and remaining patient

• Freeze game to music – listening and waiting (Slowly increase the waiting by pausing the music for longer times.)

• If your child kiddo struggles to wait for their turn, play a turn-taking game but provide a star sticker reward for each time they wait. This will help your child stay regulated while waiting for their turn and it gives you an opportunity to affirm their growing patience.

6. Work toward a goal

Create opportunities for your kiddo to practice patience while working toward a goal, such as a special toy or activity.

For younger children, you can draw a picture of an object or activity they want, or print one taken with your phone at the store. Help them feel proud about their hard work and patience!

For older children, you might set up a chart, or with teens help them open a bank account to save their money.

7. Give them recognition

When your child waits patiently even for a short period, recognize their achievement that they waited patiently, and identify what tactic they used, for example, “You were singing to yourself while you were waiting.” Also express the benefit, “That helped you not be unsettled when it wasn’t your turn.”

In a scenario where you have to wait with your kiddo, consider it an opportunity to teach patience. Slip in words of affirmation at (or before) the first sign of restlessness. “I can see you’re working hard at being patient!”

For older kids, make an effort to recognize, small-scale successes like doing homework before going out with friends, or coming home from the store empty-handed.

Be patient with yourself and your kiddo as you learn together! It’s never too late to build new habits.