How to Handle Your Child’s Temper Tantrums & Meltdowns

My center is sharing tips to help you prepare and manage temper tantrums. Tantrums are a normal part of child development— can happen when kids are tired, hungry, or uncomfortable. Every child exhibits pre-tantrum signs, once you can identify them, you can defuse the situation before their emotion begins to build into a total meltdown. When they’re in the middle of a fit, be present let them know youre there to help. Help them name their hard feelings, and show them effective coping strategies, like taking deep breaths, counting to 10 or taking a walk.

Temper Tantrum Triggers

No matter how frustrating they can be, tantrums are an expected part of childhood development. The biggest triggers are when kids are tired, hungry, or uncomfortable. You know it’s coming and there is no stopping it—there is only your response to it. When children don’t have the tools to manage their emotions, it can lead to big outbursts. This is why we are sharing tips to help you prepare and manage meltdowns at toddler age.

Temper tantrum starts when language development begins. Because they can't yet say what they want or need, a frustrating experience may cause a fit. As language skills improve, tantrums tend to decrease.

Preparing for Big Emotions Before a Tantrum Happens

Just as you would prepare for any other event, being ready for a temper tantrum can be a big help in the moment. We know that tantrums are going to happen because they are expected—so try taking a proactive approach. When your child is calm, teach them how to self-soothe and regulate their emotions by naming emotions for them, and using breathing techniques. These skills will help reduce the frequency of tantrums as they get older because they will have gained the tools regulate their emotions, and tantrums will no longer be useful to them.

With so many meltdowns caused by frustration, sticking to a predictable routine can help give children a sense of security. Working with your child to name their emotions is important so when they begin to feel something, they can tell you before it turns into a meltdown.

Try connection before correction. Correcting your child in that moment will probably only frustrate them further when what they really need is for you to be understanding. Even if they don't want to talk about it knowing you're present is a big deal. You can find a moment later in the day when they're in a better mindset to talk about it. This is a more productive way to manage their stress/feelings.

Try saying something like, “Looks like you had a big day, let’s have a snack and talk about it.” Making this part of your daily routine will boost mindfulness and emotional development. Model coping strategies for them, like talking it out and practicing deep breathing exercises.

Managing a Meltdown in the Moment

No matter how much you prepare, meltdowns are going to happen. The number one thing for you to do is stay calm and invite them into your calm. Kids learn to internally regulate their emotions from external models like you.

Be present with them. If it’s okay for your baby, try rubbing their back or simply sit close by—calmly take deep breaths and let them figure it out. If you need to, remove them from the situation that’s frustrating them, do so. For toddlers, you may want to get down on their level, identify their emotions ("You're really upset"), connect, ("I get upset too when I can't have what I want"), and offer help ("I wonder what may help you feel a little better").

Navigating tantrums is tough, and sometimes we don’t manage them as well as we want to. That’s okay, We’re all human, and we all have big emotions. If you ever lose your cool, acknowledge it afterward—it's a great way to show your child that we are all still learning, even adults! You can talk about how you’d like to handle it and make a plan together. While most tantrums are expected, there may be times when you need some additional help or advice. If your child’s meltdowns are consuming a lot of your time or effecting family functioning, try talking to your pediatrician about your concerns as they can help identify tantrum triggers and create strategies that are tailored specifically for your child.