Age Appropriate Behavior

It can be difficult to differentiate between age-appropriate behaviors and behaviors that can alert to a deeper problem. Age-appropriate behaviors, even if they are challenging, help children in their social development. It is normal part of learning and necessary for children to test limits to learn about relationships and how the real-world works. Understanding how kids grow and develop will help you respond to and prevent negative

behaviors. Let’s explore two common behaviors: biting and defiance.

Biting

Biting is an age-appropriate behavior that begins during the infant-toddler years and can last until preschool. There are different reasons for biting but most children do not intend to hurt a peer or caregiver.

Reasons kids bite

• to take control of a situation

• attention seeking

• exploring their environment

• self-defense out of fear, or anxiety

• relieving teething pain

• no experience with self-control

• frustration **

• excitement

• not being able to communicate large feelings

Discouraging Biting

You want to discourage this behavior by firmly saying "ow" and explaining that biting hurts the other person physically and can also hurt their feelings. Acknowledge their feelings and the reason they have bit. Encourage the use of appropriate words and actions. For example:

• If your child bites their sibling because they are playing with their toy, say, “I see you are upset because they have your toy. Instead of biting, use your words and say, ‘I’m upset and I would like my toy back'. Work with the other child in the same breath and explain to them that their feelings are hurt over the toy, kindly ask if they can give it back. If not, help child cope with negative feelings

• If your child feels powerless, give them opportunities to make better choices, such as, “Would you like to have lunch at the table or would you like to take lunch outside?”

Defiance

Defiance is an age-appropriate behavior that can cause frustration for many parents. Defiance can begin in the toddler years and can last throughout childhood.

Reasons children express defiance may include:

• to feel independent

• to feel like they are in control

• attention seeking

• fear or anxiety

• unable to express large feelings

In general, children are defiant because they are testing their limits with independence and their sense of self. This experimentation is extremely crucial for a child’s social and emotional development.

Discouraging defiance

Give your child the freedom to assert their independence. However, know that this is not always the case and may result in a tantrum. Explain to your child that you are proud of their initiative and think its awesome they want to do things for themselves, but that sometimes it is important for the parent to complete a difficult task.

• Explain why defiant or disrespectful behavior is unacceptable—and be consistent. Do not have arguments with your child. By engaging, you give control of the situation to your child, and he/she will continue to use this tactic if it has proven effective for them.

• Your child will test you to see if you’ll give in. Explain that you have made your decision and it will not change, even with continued arguing.

Remember that most challenging behaviors are normal.

It is vital to understand these behaviors are normal. They are a sign of progressing through childhood as expected. Young children are trying to understand everything around them. By safely allowing children the space and freedom to experiment with these behaviors, we are giving them the opportunity to gain confidence in their own abilities.